Cradling Hope

Catherine Larson

 

Growing up on the Blackfoot reservation in Browning, Montana, where 85 percent of the population lived at or below the poverty level, Alexandria Cobell was accustomed to life’s bumps and bruises. Drinking, drug abuse, gambling, and violence were common on the reservation. And being one of only two girls in a group of 15 cousins who lived like siblings, Alex learned to hold her own by being tough.

 

Years later, when Alex’s husband hit her for the first time, she was shocked. After the shock wore off, her childhood reflexes kicked in. The next time Alex’s husband hit her, she hit back. From then on, married life was punctuated with violence for Alex. It was little surprise that when Alex found her husband in bed with one of her closest friends, violence would be her response.

As a result, she served time for aggravated assault in Montana Women’s Prison. Her foul temper did not win her popularity with other inmates or prison officials. And though Alex paroled and briefly reconciled with her husband, that wasn’t her first time and wouldn’t be her last time in prison.

 

After her release Alex and her father-in-law were sitting on the steps outside his house smoking marijuana when she and her sister got into a heated verbal exchange. Her sister decided to retaliate by calling the authorities and reporting Alex as a parole violator. Alex went back to prison, this time carrying both a deep grudge and the life of her one-month-old baby growing inside her.

 

When the prison doors slammed shut behind her this time, she was even angrier than before. And if she couldn’t take it out on those in her life who’d hurt her most, she was bound and determined to take it out on the people around her.

 

“I was a creep,” says Alex in retrospect. “I had a chip on my shoulder.”