You’ve been mentoring a prisoner, with good results. And then your worst fear happens—you hear he’s committed another offense. What do you do now? How do you balance confrontation and support?
You have answered the call to mentor an inmate, and upon reentry, you hear that he or she has stumbled back into old bad habits or has been tangled in a new one.
So now what?
Sam Dye, national program director of the InnerChange Freedom Initiative®, says this is a time to use candidness and conviction, while still providing support and guidance.
First, Sam advises to be cautious of the prisoner grapevine. Remember that rumors can be just that. However, if you have heard something that concerns you, like the report of a parole violation, “I would ask the inmate straight up,” says Sam, “and the line that I use is ‘Don’t put me in the position of choosing to be a liar or a snitch.’”
Sam says if the ex-prisoner confesses his or her wrongdoing, then give an ultimatum: “Either you tell the parole officer, or I will.” Sam also suggests going with the ex-offender to see the parole officer.
“On the occasions this has happened, the parole officer is shocked that the inmate would confess the offense. Typically, unless it is a criminal act, the parole officer would make an ‘action plan’ of some type for the inmate to get back on course.”
Sam says to remind the ex-prisoner to “do the right thing, and if you fall, confess it and move on.” Sam also stresses that the former inmate should be encouraged to take responsibility for his or her actions. Simply say, “I will not keep a secret for you and lie to the parole officer, and I don’t want to be the one to have to tell them. You should do that yourself.”
The most important tip, Sam concludes, is to not take the ex-offender’s actions personally. “They will do what they will do,” he says. “Our role is to support and encourage. Disappointment may become a part of the process of helping, but don’t let discouragement overcome you.”
Though he stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with His hand.
Psalm 37:24 NIV