Compassion is a valuable asset in a prison ministry volunteer. But without appropriate boundaries, volunteers can be tempted to assume roles that are ultimately detrimental to the prisoners or ex-prisoners they serve. Prison Fellowship® (PF) field staff members Rocky DeYoung and Jonathan Lowry talked with Frontlines about some of the top things a volunteer is not.
- Volunteers are not ATMs. It is a dangerous precedent to loan an ex-prisoner money. Often, says Rocky, an ex-prisoner who hopes to manipulate a volunteer may ask for a small “loan,” just to see whether the volunteer is a potential source of funds. Instead of repayment, the volunteer can expect the first loan to be followed by further requests on one urgent pretext or another. At best, these loans or gifts of money foster an unhealthy dependence on the volunteer. At worst, they can fund an ex-prisoner’s return to crime. If an ex-prisoner comes forward with an urgent need that seems to merit an exception to this guideline, volunteers should consult with PF staff before disbursing any funds.
- Volunteers are not housing providers. It is generally not a good idea for an ex-prisoner to move in with a volunteer after release. A volunteer’s home lacks the structured, supervised environment that the ex-prisoner would find in a transitional living home. If the ex-prisoner asks to move in with his mentor, instead of entering the supervised facility, it could be a dangerous sign that he hopes to avoid watchful eyes that might catch him returning to his old habits. Also, if the volunteer has a spouse or children in the home, he should think long and hard before bringing in a guest whose baggage can cause serious disruptions to the life of the family. Rocky offers this advice from firsthand experience. He once invited an ex-prisoner to stay in his basement, only to have the guest take heroin under Rocky’s roof without his knowledge.
- Volunteers are not advice dispensers. The staff at IFI in Minnesota have a brochure, called “Are you a good listener?” They hand it out to all male trainees, who, Rocky claims, are more prone than their female counterparts to feel driven to fix prisoners’ problems. Volunteers of both genders should keep in mind that they are there to listen as much as to guide. Unless they listen carefully, volunteers might miss important cues that will show them a prisoner or ex-prisoner is in trouble. And unless volunteers ask thoughtful questions, they might never help prisoners or ex-prisoners learn to think constructively about their own problem.
- Volunteers are not vending machines. When prisoners are first released, they often have material needs for clothing, toiletries, and basic food items to get them through the first couple of days. But volunteers should not turn into constant purveyors of “stuff.” Research shows that ex-prisoners do best, not when they have the most things, but when they are adequately prepared for reentry. This allows them to learn to carry their own weight in the context of a supportive community.
- Volunteers are not employment agencies. Volunteers should not assume responsibility for finding ex-prisoners jobs. In prison, men and women often become conditioned to try to get something for nothing. If volunteers make things too easy, they can actually perpetuate that mindset of manipulation and set ex-prisoners up for failure in the workplace. If a volunteer has a connection to an employer he believes would be receptive to hiring ex-prisoners, he should bring it up with a PF staff member, who can help him assess whether the potential employment situation would ultimately help the ex-prisoner succeed.
- Volunteers are not chauffeurs. It’s one thing to pick a prisoner up at the gate. It’s another to become his regular means of transportation. Most work-release jobs are accessible via public transportation, and providing rides can needlessly prolong an ex-prisoner’s dependence on outside resources.
- Volunteers are not parents. Volunteers should avoid the temptation to think of prisoners or ex-prisoners as children whose well-being depends on the volunteers’ presence. They are adults who need to assume responsibility for their own lives. And without appropriate emotional boundaries, volunteers risk becoming too involved and getting manipulated in the process. As a classic example of a volunteer who has become too involved, Rocky cites the case of a volunteer who rushes to the jail the moment an ex-prisoner re-offends, certain that he cannot cope without the volunteer’s presence, or who puts money on a prisoner’s account. Such a volunteer has lost proper perspective on his role in the prisoner’s life.
- Volunteers are not partners in crime, stresses Jonathan Lowry. That might seem obvious, but imagine this scenario. During a routine phone call, an ex-prisoner confesses to his PF mentor that he has been using drugs again. He begs the volunteer not to tell his parole officer or the PF staff. He sounds remorseful, and he says it will never happen again. What should the volunteer do? Protecting an ex-prisoner’s wrongful behavior doesn’t help. It hurts, especially because saying “it will never happen again” is a good indicator that it will. Parole violations or criminal activity of any kind needs to be reported to the appropriate authorities, preferably by the ex-prisoner himself, so that he can get the additional help he needs to break out of destructive behavior.
These cautionary guidelines are not intended to squash the deep compassion many volunteers feel for the prisoners and ex-prisoners they serve. To the contrary, the love of Christ displayed through volunteers has had a transformational impact in the lives of countless prisoners, ex-prisoners, and their families. But volunteers need to practice “smart compassion,” looking beyond the present circumstances to the long-term consequences of the help they provide. Will loaning the ex-prisoner money make him a more responsible, independent citizen, or will it deepen his sense of dependence? Does your mentee call because she knows you’ll listen, or because she knows she can get more “stuff” from you?
Ultimately, says Rocky, the most effective volunteers are like experienced fishing guides. They can warn the prisoners and ex-prisoners they serve of where the hidden dangers lie, and they can tell them where to find the big fish for themselves.