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A Touchy Subject: Growing Up with an Incarcerated Father

September 17, 2019 by Emily Andrews

  • A TOUCHY SUBJECT: GROWING UP WITH AN INCARCERATED FATHER

    Incarceration has a powerful impact on the families left behind.

    By Emily Andrews

Peyton didn't talk about "it" at school. She barely broached the topic at home. Her dad was incarcerated. Even if she wanted to talk about it, she wasn't sure how.

"It was a really touchy subject," admits Peyton, who grew up in Oregon and now attends college in Eugene. "I went to a [high] school where everyone seemed to have two parents and was really well-off. I never really talked about my home life. I would never talk about my dad."

WHEN INCARCERATION BREAKS UP A FAMILY

Today, 2.7 million children in the U.S. have a mom or dad behind bars. Parental incarceration is a difficult and confusing journey, and like many of her peers, Peyton struggled to navigate feelings of abandonment and shame.

Peyton was in first grade when her father went to prison. Incarceration all but severed the relationship between father and daughter, who had to rely on two-hour visits that felt too long, yet not long enough—the standard prison protocol, the awkward silences. Longing for hugs. Hesitating to give one.

"I remember weeks when I would go see [my dad] but wouldn't say anything …," Peyton says. "Some days it hurt too much, and I just couldn't do it."

child of incarcerated parents

'I remember weeks when I would go see my dad but wouldn't say anything …
Some days it hurt too much.'


A WORLD CHANGED FOREVER

All that changed after a week of Angel Tree Camping®. Every summer, Prison Fellowship® partners with Christian camps across the country, providing scholarships and other resources to make camp possible for prisoners' children.

At camp, Peyton found a safe haven from the challenges of growing up with an incarcerated father. She struck up friendships with campers who had similar home lives. Caring counselors helped her realize how much pain she had buried deep inside.

a touchy subject growing up with an incarcerated father

On the last night of camp, Peyton heard a timely lesson from the chapel speaker.

"The message was to let go of the lies you have told yourself," Peyton recalls. "My heart opened, my guard crumbled down, and I was just completely open to Jesus' healing."

After camp, Peyton was bursting with stories to tell. She called her dad the night she got home. Beyond the thrill of pool parties, go carts, and horseback riding, she was most passionate about the new Bible she received. Already she had opened it to Genesis 1 and marveled at the creation story. The same God who spoke the world into existence had changed her forever.

"I owe a lot of that to camp," says Peyton. "It really put me back on the path that I was supposed to be on."


'A lot of Angel Tree kids come from really bad memories and relationships. They're coming to camp broken, and they're leaving with love and healing.'


MAKING CAMP POSSIBLE

Peyton's dad was released in 2014. These days, the two enjoy father-daughter lunches when Peyton is home from college. Throughout the rest of the year, they make frequent phone calls. There's always plenty to talk about.

And now that Peyton serves as a counselor at Camp Agape and volunteers in the mentor program, she's able to invest in kids with families just like hers.

"Just to see how [kids] change in four days is amazing," she says. "They grow in their understanding that they are loved and their pain is temporary. … They are told over and over that they are loved, and they are worthy. ... A lot of them come from really bad memories and relationships. They're coming to camp broken, and they're leaving with love and healing."

In an open letter to Angel Tree Camping and all who make it possible, Peyton's dad writes,

From the bottom of my heart, I would like to say thank you. Thank you for your love, the love you show to our children, to my child, I am so grateful to you for making my daughter feel loved and welcomed, and more so for being examples of God's love for us, for her, for me. By loving her, you have shown me love. By caring for her, you have cared for me as well.

Story Disclaimer
Prison Fellowship is founded on the conviction that all people are created in God's image and that no life is beyond God's reach. To that end, we often share stories of lives that have been impacted by our work in prisons around the country. Prison Fellowship does not condone–or require full disclosure of–the crimes committed by those enrolled in our programs, and we take the repercussions of those crimes seriously. Nor do we encourage prisoners to disregard the rules and regulations of their correctional facilities. It is our sincere goal to present our content in a way that is sensitive to all concerned parties, while presenting examples of men and women who once broke the law, and are now being transformed and mobilized to serve their neighbors. If you have concerns about the content we share, please feel free to contact us directly

FOR THE LEAST OF THESE

In the United States, 1 in 28 kids have a parent in prison. These children are facing broken families and the shame of having an incarcerated parent.

In the Gospel of Matthew, Jesus says,

For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me. … Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.

With Prison Fellowship's Angel Tree®, you have a chance to remember those in prison as well as their families. All year, Angel Tree reaches out to prisoners' families to help restore relationships and bring the hope of Jesus. You can help replace the cycle of crime with a cycle of renewal for a child like Peyton! To learn more, visit angeltree.org.

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Filed Under: Angel Tree, Angel Tree® Stories, Feature Stories Tagged With: Angel Tree, Angel Tree Camping, Children with Incarcerated Parents, Families of Incarcerated

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