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FROM DEEPEST SORROW, UNWAVERING LOVE
This mom turned her worst pain into kindness. Could she keep going when more heartache came along?
“Why are you taking my daughter? Am I not a good mom? Why don’t you take from the people who don’t care about their kids?”
These are the questions Dawn Rodriguez hurled at heaven when a car accident killed her 19-year-old daughter, Jessie. Dawn wasn’t a person of faith—but in her anguish, she wanted answers. She could not wrap her mind around why a good God would allow such devastating loss.
So she went to church to find out.
COMFORT AT CHRISTMAS
At Crossroads Church in Clifton, New Jersey, Dawn met Jesus. She was embraced by a family of believers who sat with her in her pain, and as she learned more about God, she began to find healing.
Two years later, Dawn was listening to the radio and heard an advertisement for Prison Fellowship Angel Tree®. She thought about the way loss feels magnified during the holidays, and about what it would be like to bring Christmas gifts to children with incarcerated parents.
“My daughter was gone,” Dawn says. “I could just imagine kids hurting because one of their parents is in jail. They might not have a good Christmas, and we could make them a little happy and share the Gospel in a simple form. I was like, ‘I want to do this.’”
In 2007, Dawn went to her pastor and asked about starting an Angel Tree ministry. Even though the church was small—150 people at the most—he agreed, trusting that God would give their congregation all they needed to serve local families. And he was right.
What he didn’t know was that even more heartbreak was coming for Dawn.
STILL MORE GRIEF
In 2012—six years after the death of their daughter—Dawn and her husband, Carlos, felt stirred to become foster parents.
“My daughter’s room was empty for all that time, and I just couldn’t change things,” Dawn remembers. “It was bright pink—Care Bears and Strawberry Shortcake and hot pink all over. And it was just sitting there.”
Dawn—who says that her childhood “wasn’t good”—felt a strong urge to protect and care for children. She knew that you don’t have to be rich to show a child love and give them fun memories.
“I said [to myself], ‘Just because my daughter is not here doesn’t mean I’m not a mom. I’m still a mom,’” Dawn recalls.
So Dawn and Carlos became foster parents, offering a safe and loving home for many children over the years. On March 5, 2020, they took legal custody of four teenage boys they had been fostering for five years. The boys’ mother had been deported to Mexico, and there was no chance for reconciliation.
Sixteen days later—although he was carefully avoiding contact with others—Dawn’s husband contracted COVID-19. He was admitted to the hospital with double pneumonia, and because of social distancing regulations, Dawn and their boys could not see him. Carlos died three weeks later on April 21, 2020.
Once again, Dawn faced unthinkable grief.
“We didn’t get to say goodbye,” she says. “It’s like a bad nightmare you can’t wake up from.”
But despite her personal devastation, Dawn was determined to continue serving kids with parents behind bars. Her church usually has a Christmas party, but during COVID-19, volunteers delivered gifts to people’s front porches, lingering outside if families wanted to talk.
“We have to keep sharing God’s love. The harvest is always full, and [I wanted] to keep working,” she remembers. “Angel Tree has helped me, because I’m looking out for kids and doing this ministry work at Christmastime. I don’t have to worry about me. I think about these kids and make sure they get their gifts.”
SIMPLE PARTIES, JOYOUS FRUIT
For 15 years, Angel Tree children have come with their caregivers to Crossroads Church’s annual Christmas party. There they decorate cookies, do a craft, enjoy snacks, and receive a gift from their incarcerated parent. It’s nothing fancy, Dawn says—but the impact has been significant.
Dawn tells of a formerly incarcerated mom named Marcia whose three daughters were served through Angel Tree at Crossroads. When Marcia was released from prison, she started coming to church, where she accepted Jesus into her life. She’s busy now, trying to earn money lost during her incarceration—but every year, Marcia jumps in to help with crafts at the Angel Tree party.
There was also the Angel Tree dad who attended a party after his release and told everyone there about how God saved him while he was in prison.
“He was the life of the party,” Dawn remembers. “A real character.”
As a single mom, Dawn is grateful for the way her boys pitch in with Angel Tree, setting up tables and doing other tasks in preparation for the party.
“They’re my hands and feet,” she says.
LOVING FROM BROKENNESS
The families Dawn interacts with through Angel Tree often have practical needs—and she loves being able to point them toward help. Crossroads offers a food pantry and ESL classes. Angel Tree families are invited to services and special events, like game nights and the annual Easter egg hunt. And Dawn tries to stay in contact by sending birthday cards throughout the year.
But just as important, Dawn offers families herself, staying connected long after the Christmas festivities die down.
“People might think, ‘Oh church people, they have these perfect lives,’” Dawn says. “No, I’m a broken human being too. I have struggles too. And I share things to help them feel comfortable and know that they’re not alone in what they’re going through.”
Dawn says that while the details of each person’s pain differ, we can still offer real comfort.
“Maybe I haven’t gone through that,” she says, “and you haven’t gone through what I’ve gone through either. But together we can help each other.”
Dawn will never fully understand why her daughter left this world so young—but she trusts that God is working out His purposes.
“You never get over it, but you can get through it,” she says. “I see that her death wasn’t in vain. People have come to Christ because of it in different types of ways. Doors have been opened. These kids have a place to live because her room was available. The devil can’t win with me.”
'We have to keep sharing God’s love. The harvest is always full.'
—Dawn