Leonard Trujillo is incarcerated at the Osborn Correctional Institution in Connecticut. Although he is not currently participating in a Prison Fellowship® program, he submitted this firsthand account to Prison Fellowship of what life is like behind bars when you are separated from your loved ones.
T.S. Elliott once said, "Love is most nearly itself when here and now cease to exist." This statement takes on a new life, a new meaning, when the parameters for how and where one can experience love from your loved ones are limited to 15-minute phone calls and one-hour bi-weekly visits.
Before coming to prison, the meaning of true love, what love is at its very core, evaded me. I was selfish. And someone who is selfish cannot or will not share their hearts completely. Love, as I knew it, was merely a comfort I felt around people with whom I shared a common history.
TIME STOOD STILL
For the first three years of my incarceration, I was an unsentenced prisoner. Because of my unsentenced status, my visits were non-contact and through a glass window.
When I was finally sentenced, I received my very first contact visit. For the first time in over three years, I was able to hug my mother. In that very instant, it was as if time stood still.
There aren't enough words in the entire English lexicon to describe what I felt in that moment. It was as if every loving feeling, every loving memory I ever felt for my mother, hit me all at once. As we embraced, I could smell her mixture of VO5 shampoo and Avon perfume. I could savor every delicious dish my mother ever prepared and, most of all, I felt my mother wordlessly conveying to me, for her very soul, this soothing feeling that said to me, "Everything is going to be OK, son."
WHAT IS AN UNSENTENCED PRISONER?
A prisoner may be unsentenced during their incarceration for many reasons:
- They are convicted of a crime, but their earliest probation date and maximum release date have not yet been confirmed.
- The prisoner is subject to an interstate compact agreement, and is serving time in one state for a conviction that occurred in another.
- The prisoner is participating in a diversion program that defers their final sentencing hearing until the program is completed.
As she let go of me, my mother looked into my eyes and said, "Al fin mijo, te puedo dar un abrazo," which means, "At last, my son, I can give you a hug." It was as if she were saying, "I've been waiting for this moment as long as you have." Although this brief exchange took only a few seconds, T.S. Elliott's words could not have been truer. My here and now ceased to exist in my mother's warm embrace. True love was revealed to me, that day, at that visit.
TRUE LOVE
Love is not merely a comforting feeling or a familiarity with people you like. To love is to share your soul with another being, to place your heart in the hands of another person. It is to empathize and to truly care for others. Love is expressing your love now because the opportunity may not be available tomorrow.
Love, Leonard
REMEMBER THOSE IN PRISON THIS HOLIDAY SEASON
As we gather with our families to celebrate Thanksgiving and Christmas, let's remember those who will not be home for the holidays this year. Like Leonard and his mother, there will be many mothers and sons sitting on opposite sides of a glass wall. But you can make a difference in the lives of prisoners and their families this Christmas.
If you have a passion for sharing the Gospel and serving others, we invite you to consider taking the love and truth of Jesus Christ behind prison walls. Apply to become a certified Prison Fellowship volunteer today.
Your gift today will help reach incarcerated men and women with the Good News of the Gospel. Thanks to you, lives are changed, families are restored, and communities are made safer.
SPONSOR AN ANGEL THIS CHRISTMAS
For 2.7 million children in the U.S., that story may be filled with the abandonment, loneliness, and shame that come from having a mom or dad in prison. For many, it may also include following their parents down the same destructive road to incarceration. Angel Tree®, a program of Prison Fellowship, reaches out to the children of prisoners and their families with the love of Christ. This unique program gives you an opportunity to share God's love by helping to meet the physical, emotional, and spiritual needs of the families of prisoners.
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