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FINDING FAMILY AFTER 40 YEARS BEHIND BARS
Helen’s life sentence prevents her from being with her family, but it doesn’t stop her from building one behind bars.
By Lexi Aggen
Helen* was born during the “beginning of the end” of World War II, in the winter of 1944. The doctor attending her birth was drunk on moonshine, the gallon jug still sitting on the dining room table as her mother labored.
She often asks herself if it was any wonder her life wasn’t a straight path.
For the first 10 years of Helen’s life, she was raised on her grandfather’s dirt farm in southern rural Alabama. The Great Depression and World War II had depleted the country of resources, and those in her community deeply felt the impacts.
“My family lived by hard work, sweat, tears, and the Word of the Lord,” she recalls.
FAMILY TIES
Helen’s parents raised her and her siblings with traditional values like honesty, obedience, and respect for one’s elders. Her family regularly attended a Missionary Baptist church. Each Sunday brought lessons on the hellfire and brimstone that awaited sinners. While she knew her parents loved her, as the third of eight children, Helen remembers feeling overlooked as a child.
In 1955, her family sold the farm and moved to Florida. Life looked dramatically different then. They had neighbors who lived next door instead of down the road. Helen saw a TV for the first time. Internally, Helen was changing too. She felt a resistance building toward the faith in which her parents raised her—she couldn’t bring herself to believe in a God she thought punished people for breaking rules.
Helen wanted out of her childhood home, but not just because of her religious upbringing. She also disliked the strict lifestyle her father enforced in the house. At 18, Helen moved out and got married.
On the outside, the marriage looked fine. But Helen was learning that the man she had married had a secret: He was an alcoholic who was prone to violence. Helen herself began keeping his alcoholism, and the abuse, a secret. The shame and embarrassment of it was too great for her to bear. Yet despite their problems, the couple had five children over the next 20 years. It was during these years that Helen developed a faith in God that sustained her.
A LIFELONG SENTENCE
In 1982, two things occurred that would change Helen’s life forever: Her marriage ended, and she committed a crime that resulted in a life sentence. Her faith would become the rock throughout her years in prison, propelling her forward.
“I could not have done one day in the system without the Lord in my life,” she says.
Today, Helen has served 41 years of that life sentence—and the woman she is now is nearly unrecognizable compared to the “insecure, insignificant … naïve country girl” she remembers being when she was first imprisoned.
Over the course of her sentence, Helen has dedicated herself to taking part in every program she could, from Bible studies and church services to educational and mentoring programs—and more.
She applied herself fully to every program, often going above and beyond the expectations set for her. But something was missing.
"I could not have done one day in the system without the Lord in my life."
—Helen
“The thing that plagued me,” she said, “was that I had no plan, did not know my purpose, or where I was going in life.”
Helen’s relationship with her children has changed throughout her time in prison as well. Her ex-husband assumed custody of her four youngest children when she was incarcerated. Her eldest was 18 years old at the time of her crime and was charged as her co-defendant. He served 2 1/2 years in prison. In addition to the guilt she felt for her crime, Helen carried a heavy heart for the hurt she had caused her children.
AN EXTENDED FAMILY
Initially, Helen’s ex-husband limited her contact with her younger children. But as her children grew older and gained independence, she was able to connect with them. Today, Helen has a loving and caring relationship with all five of her children. Because they all live far away, visitations are not always an option. But they are always eager to hear updates from her on phone calls and in letters.
Helen now has six grandchildren, and she hasn’t been able to meet most of them. But that hasn’t stopped Helen from being a “grandmother” to those around her.
“I’ve been locked up 40 years,” she says, “so over the years I was not with my daughters … but I have had young women that have been like daughters to me, and I’ve had young women that have been like granddaughters to me.”
Helen believes the reason she can speak into so many young women’s lives is because of her ability to listen well. She supports the women by providing a safe ear and friendly counsel. The women around her know she will tell them when they have made a mistake and affirm them if they are on a steady path.
Many of the women Helen has grown close to have since left prison, but they keep regular contact with her through phone calls, emails, and photographs. Upon release, many have gone on to have successful careers, some working for doctors or in real estate.
“I’m very proud of them,” she says. “They’re my success stories.”
Not every woman who Helen mentors is successful on the outside—but that doesn’t stop Helen from loving them when they return to prison.
“They always come back to me,” Helen says, “and of course I still receive them back. We all make mistakes.”
"I’ve been locked up 40 years, so over the years I was not with my daughters … but I have had young women that have been like daughters to me."
—Helen
FINDING PURPOSE IN PRISON
Helen’s search for purpose continued throughout her 40 years in prison, even as she participated in numerous programs and mentored women. Recently, she was transferred to a different facility where she learned about the Prison Fellowship Academy®.
The Academy is a holistic yearlong program that allows participants to reflect on their lives in a community environment. In the Academy, participants engage with biblically based curriculum that imparts the Values of Good Citizenship: integrity, community, productivity, restoration, responsibility, and affirmation.
Helen knew she needed to be in the next class—that there was something different about this program than all the others she had participated in. She was accepted into the program, and after five months, the class of 20 women have become a family to her.
“We’ve built a bond that I know I’ll carry with me for the rest of my life,” she says. “It’s beautiful.”
The relationships Helen is building through the Academy aren’t the only benefits she has gained since joining the class.
Through the curriculum, Helen is seeing her own worth—something she was unable to do for most of her life.
"We’ve built a bond that I know I’ll carry with me for the rest of my life. It’s beautiful."
—Helen
A PURPOSE-DRIVEN VOICE
When she first came to prison, Helen wasn’t the type of person to speak out for the Lord. She knew and had a relationship with Him, but she kept her faith to herself. Now she has confidence and stands firm in her faith, sharing it with all those around her.
Most importantly though, Helen noted that it was only through the Academy that she realized the purpose that had been missing in her life.
“Did I have to come all this way, do all these years, to find that my purpose is to be obedient to God’s calling and to do His will?” she asks. “I do not believe that anything happens by accident. God brought me to this place, to this time.”
Her advice to women who are facing prison for the first time: Get with positive people, go to chapel services, read the Bible, and take educational programs.
Helen has a parole hearing coming up and hopes to return home to be with her three surviving siblings, children, and grandchildren—but unlike before, she is confident in her purpose.
*Name changed to protect privacy
HEAR MORE OF HELEN'S STORY BY WATCHING THE VIDEO BELOW
"I do not believe that anything happens by accident. God brought me to this place, to this time."
—Helen